Seeking Counsel
I often find myself attempting to help an individual or family resolve a crisis that could have been avoided. Although we are conditioned to be independent, we can sometimes avoid emotional, financial and moral upheaval by seeking advice at an early stage of our challenging predicament. We are fortunate to live in a community with individuals and institutions positioned to help those in need. There are no simple solutions to complex issues and this article is an attempt to formulate a mindset that may be helpful to some people.
Beginning in Sefer Bireishit, the Torah acknowledges the value of seeking advice and counsel: Hashem “takes counsel” with the angels to model for us how to manage significant decisions in life (see Rashi on Bireishit 1:26). This is not meant to dismiss the autonomy of each individual but to provide another option worth considering. A trustworthy advisor may see aspects of our problems or thought processes that we may not see ourselves. From showing how Moshe benefited from the recommendations of his father-in-law Yitro to depicting how Esther and Mordechai leaned on each other for additional insights, the Torah is filled with narratives of great individuals humbling themselves and benefiting from outside guidance. The Mishna in Avot 2:7 stipulates that guidance helps generate more self-knowledge and awareness. Obviously the quality of this support must be evaluated. While advice givers are not infallible, those without specific agendas or rigid ideologies can greatly help individuals or families in distress.
With the high cost of an Orthodox lifestyle, more families should consider ways to properly manage their finances. Turning to experts in the field would help avoid some of the calamities that develop if a family member loses a job or the family is failing to make ends meet. In addition to helping a family objectively and honestly evaluate its expenses, revenue, and standard of living and devising a financial plan, an outside advisor could help that family negotiate through difficult times that cannot always be avoided. It is understandable that we are reluctant to reveal our financial conditions to outside advisors, whether through pride or embarrassment, but the long term benefits of seeking guidance will not only help that family but will relieve pressure on communal funds. Of course, if crisis does strike, individuals should and could turn to the community. However, a communal institution such as Project Ezrah would be even more helpful in the long term if called upon for early intervention.
Many individuals and families could also benefit from psychological support. The common pressures of everyday life, unfortunate tragedies and biological makeup are just some of the factors contributing to emotional stress. While I am not a trained psychologist, at times I perceive people in need who refuse to seek professional help. Seeking help to manage through difficult periods in one’s life should be regarded as strength of character, not stigmatized as a weakness. Rabbonim and school administrators often have access to professionals who could help individuals. Again, early intervention may avoid crisis management.
Lastly, spiritual counsel is also important. Without dealing with the topic of Daat Torah, I wish to emphasize that an objective, well-intentioned and sensitive religious guide may often be beneficial. I have personally benefited from having a Rav to whom I turned not only for Halachic decisions but to discuss “ruchniyut” issues. I am not looking to him to prescribe or mandate a course of conduct to me, but to discuss and contemplate personal and communal issues. We should beware of the ever increasing cadre of charlatans who issue “free” religious advice, which carries a heavy price tag, and without truly knowing the contributor in front of them.
I once heard Rav Aharon Lichtenstein explain the Mishna of “Asei Lecha Rav: Make for Yourself a Rav” (Avot 1:6) as a charge to seek counsel, not necessarily from one teacher but from a specialist in a particular field. We should continue to be independent minded while simultaneously being courageous and humble enough to look to others for assistance. This can ultimately strengthen our level of self-sufficiency while avoiding crisis. Hashem should bless us with good insights, close advisors and healthy lives.
Kol Tuv
Shalom Baum
